~X-Enigma-X

Wow... I just got done watching The Brave One and I have to admit... It touched home... I guess the closer we get to the end of May, the more I get to thinking about how it's been a year since the robbery.

Don't get me wrong. I know I wasn't half as beat up as Jodie Foster's character. Maybe about a tenth of what she got, but... when you're a victim of violence of any kind, it doesn't change the violation that you feel. Whether it's being beaten to near death or a bloodied lip and lumps on the head. You're still the victim. You still get that same fear to relive the event... to dwell in the same place that it happened... to go through the same motions of that day or night... You still breathe heavy, your pulse races, your heart pounds when you suddenly find yourself near someone who reminds you of your attacker. The same delerium takes over and it's like she said - you feel like a stranger in your own body. You never thought you were capable of feeling such fear. And how do you get over it? You don't. You live with it. You can supress it, but it never really goes away. It's just something that lies within all of us, and that is why everyone feels the same after being attacked like that...

Something else she mentions in the movie is how she knows the cops are the good guys, and she says "But why doesn't it feel like that?" That's another thing that I had felt, too. And STILL feel sometimes... Like when people ask me if I was able to pick him out of the lineup? I tell them the truth, that I picked the wrong guy, and I know they probably don't MEAN to make me feel bad about it, I do. It's like they give me a look as if to say if I couldn't tell them apart, then do they even have the right one on trial? But I know it's him. When I saw him in person I knew it was. Like she said while she was flipping through the pictures - all the faces start to become a blur. That movie really did their research to get all of this right like that. It makes me wonder if the writer had been a victim, too???

I can't believe it's been almost a year since it happened... I often wonder what the story is behind it all. Why did he have the premeditated idea to go out and rob someone that night? Did he NEED the cash? Was his grandma sick? Or was it just for some selfish reason? A sick addiction? Why? I wish I knew the story. Sometimes I wonder if he ever wants to talk to me and tell me that he's sorry... But then again? Probably not. The last I heard, he was still pleading innocent. The last I knew, he was supposed to take a lie detector test. I still haven't heard how THAT went. I STILL can't believe that I got into the same elevator as him on the last court date I went to. Of all people to step into an elevator with!!!

ANYWAY- the point of this blog was to talk about Spring. This weather has been pretty nice. I finally got to buy a swingset for Tric, and she LOVES it. She was laughing SO HARD on the swing! She doesn't really care for the slide that much, but she likes the sea-saw pretty well. I also got a small inflatable pool that I put colored balls in, and that's the ball pit. I got her a bubble machine, and that put out about a thousand bubbles all at once! It was pretty awesome. I told Adam that we HAVE to use that for her birthday party! Speaking of... Wal-Mart got rid of all the Tinkerbell stuff, so now I HAVE to order it onine. I HATE that store. It just keeps going downhill...

Speaking of parties, Mary knows about her surprise baby shower now. SOMEONE just couldn't keep it a secret, but at least I'll know who to invite now. It was hard having to pick and choose people before because I don't know who her friends are. Now she can decidede for herself.

That's the update for now. I want to get this other movie watched before it gets too late, but I'll try to write again soon.